if someone doesnt like being touched and you just go ahead and touch them anyways because you think its funny i sincerely hope you get punched in the god damn face
- Parents: Teenagers don't communicate anymore
- Parents : Teenagers don't speak to us any more
- Parents: It's all Facebook messaging now
- Parents : No one communicates with their children
- Parents : It's all about communication
- Parents: Teenagers should talk to us more
- Teenager: Well, I'm really stressed out about these test and lately i've felt really crap and-
- Parents: God, all you do is moan and complain.
Miss Piggy On Beauty
What are your top beauty tips?
Start out perfect and don’t change a thing. Always accentuate your best features by pointing at them. And conceal your flaws by sucker punching anyone who has the audacity to mention them.
Never too old to learn from the Muppets.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” - Miss Piggy
A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I explained and then she said “Oh, well, no, my wife and I were married by the slide, but we’ll be happy together anyway.”
So apparently on school playgrounds, slides are already legalizing same-sex marriage.
i hate math tests because all throughout the chapter it’s like really easy shit and then you think you’ve got it and then the test is like
if i throw a triangle out of a car and the car is going 20 mph and wind resistance is a thing that exists, how many cupcakes can pedro buy with one human soul
I’ve always wondered if God gets excited when we finally find the person He created us to be with. Or if He is watching and is like, “That was them! NO. NO. TURN AROUND! YOU MISSED THEM! THAT WAS THEM!”
“UGH, WHY ARE ALL MY OTPS WALKING BY EACH OTHER WITHOUT NOTICING!”
We are in a giant reality tv show and God and the angels are the fandom.
thunderstorms are nothing more than ship wars going on in heaven
i dont care if youre 7 there is no way i am letting you win an easter egg hunt welcome to the real world jackass