spookymormon:

spookymormon:

my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great

xvxbox:

if someone doesnt like being touched and you just go ahead and touch them anyways because you think its funny i sincerely hope you get punched in the god damn face

Miss Piggy On Beauty

fearfullymade-locs:

thedameloves:

homeisaheartbeat:

What are your top beauty tips?

Start out perfect and don’t change a thing. Always accentuate your best features by pointing at them. And conceal your flaws by sucker punching anyone who has the audacity to mention them.

Never too old to learn from the Muppets.

And this:

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” - Miss Piggy

initiala:

A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I explained and then she said “Oh, well, no, my wife and I were married by the slide, but we’ll be happy together anyway.”

So apparently on school playgrounds, slides are already legalizing same-sex marriage.

broternia:

i hate math tests because all throughout the chapter it’s like really easy shit and then you think you’ve got it and then the test is like 

if i throw a triangle out of a car and the car is going 20 mph and wind resistance is a thing that exists, how many cupcakes can pedro buy with one human soul 

fudgersandlovers:

peppy-mocha:

nigforaday:

I think it’s universally well known that the saddest part of everyone’s childhood was when Chuckie Finster didn’t have a mom to dance with 

EXCUSE YOU
WE NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS EVER

EVER

hahahastarrysleeper:

theblackship:

lionphantom:

godcolorsintheworld:

I’ve always wondered if God gets excited when we finally find the person He created us to be with. Or if He is watching and is like, “That was them! NO. NO. TURN AROUND! YOU MISSED THEM! THAT WAS THEM!”

“UGH, WHY ARE ALL MY OTPS WALKING BY EACH OTHER WITHOUT NOTICING!”

We are in a giant reality tv show and God and the angels are the fandom. 

thunderstorms are nothing more than ship wars going on in heaven

fliptunas:

i dont care if youre 7 there is no way i am letting you win an easter egg hunt welcome to the real world jackass

THERES ONLY 116 SAND CATS LEFT ON EARTH

ceruleansugar:

fruityassfactory:

twingeneticist:

THERES

ONLY

116

SAND

CATS

LEFT

ON

EARTH

brb dying inside

yikes